Most people think Sinterklass is the most famous Christmas Mascot that didn't make Macy Corp's cut for best holiday gift purchasing inducement.
No true. That crazy little top hatted bastard doesn't top the list of the worst Christmas mascot ever. Not even the real Saint Nicholas fits the bill.
The real epic Christmas mascot that didn't make the cut was Frank the Rainbow Christmas Turtle. This little dude was great: multicolored, festively hatted and kid friendly. Who doesn't like turtles, right?
The MBA types from the "Frank Camp" pushed hard in the Macy's strategy meeting to argue that this gift giving turtle was the key to spurring sales. The traditions with Frank are easy: he would deliver gifts wrapped not in paper like some suggested, but in fake egg shaped boxes, left around the house in little nests built of dead leaves and decaying plankton.
To thank Frank for stopping by kids would be encouraged to leave plates full of dead insects and slimy lily pads. The trail of beetle legs left on the counter from a clean plate would reassure wonder-eyed kids in the morning that Frank was here, and he laid eggs all over the house!
And it's much easier to believe that a magical turtle can manage to lay a few hundred million gift eggs in the homes across America than a fat old white man pulled by a sleigh of stoned reindeer through the air.
But alas, tragedy struck. The Saint Nick camp won the argument, and Macy's created our modern Santa Claus, that judgmental fat white bastard with a midget fetish.
Merry Christmas!
