The Simpsons Are Funny

When I was in college The Simpsons was on three times a day: 5 PM, 7:30 PM and 11 PM. If you were home early you could catch the 5 PM. The 7:30 was a great way to get the evening started, and the 11 PM was nightcap.

Some great episodes

Rosebud, season 5: Inspired by one of the movie industry's greatest achievements, this episode follows Burns in his effort to reclaim the toy bear from his youth.

That episode where Homer goes into the portal behind the book case and becomes 3D. Fucking classic. The end of the episode when he's in our dimension, and looks all scared at gawking humans is so creepy it's amazing. It's kind of like breaking the fourth wall for animated crap.

And that other cool episode that I can't remember the name of (Google don't fail me now!), but it was about the mob and it was cut into segements and maybe was an homage to Reservoir Dogs? They had a scene were the police chief was like, lets go all CSI on that coke can, from the coke cans perspective. It was a great episode.

Too much is too much

I didn't see the movie. I haven't seen an episode in like six seasons. I can't imagine how it could be relevant. I mean, House (crazy House) and The Office (Jim and Pam are happy!) both jumped the shark after just 6 seasons!

I mean, there are too many fucking episodes on this page to be for reals, yo, etc, ad nasuem. If we decided to rent this show on DVD to catch up, it would take a month of non-stop viewing: no showers, no work, no sleeping. Ick.

The Greatest Moment of All

The best Simpsons moment for me was the episode where Homer gets replaced by a German agent and the family clearly knows this has happened, but isn't too concerned. The double takes Marge out for a "reasonably priced steak dinner followed by an evening of efficient German sex" and Marge agrees saying, "A night out'sa night out." That kills me ever time I see it.

The Leftorium

So to celebrate the Simpsons we made a shirt for Ned's Springfield Mall business, the Leforium. Cause leftys have rights too!

Drunk Of The Irish: Famous Irish Wannabe Drunks

Lots of people make fun of the Irish for drinking. Hell, I'm Irish and half my uncles are drunks and half my aunts are addicted to heroin. It's the Irish way, really. No wonder that so many non-Irish want drink a lot to seem Irish, to capture and redefine Irishness, to own it, to control it to elevate it's meaning on a personal and spiritual plane.

So here are the top 5 Irish wannabe drunks:

Number 5: Ulysses S. Grant.

Our 18th POTUS, this drunkard blasted (get it?) his way through the South's army, rather sloppily at first. His two terms in office were so corrupt and rife with favor politics that the term Grantism emerged as a synonym to corruption. This guy put Harding to shame.

Number 4: Joseph Stalin.

Our first true sociopath on the list, Stalin was the dictator of the Russian Imperial Empire from 1922 to 1953 and was the arguably the most successful mass murderer in planetary history. He was also the son of and an inebriate himself.

Totally insane, this ass killed everyone around him and consumed the creative and economic output of an entire people for decades, ultimately proving that Russian communism was nothing more than a petty kleptocracy.

Number 3: Stephen King.

This guy was doing so many drugs that his family sat him down and covered the floor with all the junk he was on: from booze to pills to pot. This little red neck from Maine knew how to party. At least he spent the 80s the right way: absolutely potted and fearing Reaganism.

Number 2: Your Mom!

Ever wonder why she wouldn't pick you up after 6 PM when you were a kid? Did you start to notice your friend's moms weren't so glossy eyed in the evening but your always was? Did your Dad have weary eyes of complacency?

Wait, your mom can't be on this list. She's Irish. Duh.

Number 1: John Daly.

This guy is kick ass. Just look at one of his quotes:

"Seems I used to do everything like I was on a mission. If it was alcohol, I wanted to drink till I couldn't see straight. If it was golf, I wanted to beat everybody's brains out. If it was driving, I can get there faster'n you can... I was stubborn as hell. I had no direction."

Bloated, blasted and baleful. Christ, this guys wants to be a legendary drunk. He has this amazing gift but he just throws it away so he can drink more Jack Daniels. What an ass.

Be sure to show your Irish drinking pride with our Breakfast of Champions shirt and Irish Step Dance shirt.

Be proud, be drunk, be Irish.

The 10 Funniest Halloween Shirts Online, Anywere

Halloween is an odd little holiday. Children dress up as pop culture icons and go around begging for candy from strangers, via their front door. Lots of begging, eating and vomitting. Also, as you get older, you don't dress up; instead, you go around throwing tiolet paper on lawns. I'm not sure what the point of that is.

Still older, you spend Halloween at parties, involving more and more alcohol and more and more slutty customes on women as the years go by until your late twenties. At this point your life is probably over cause you have little shits of your own that you have to dress up. Time for a nap.

Anyway, to the shirts! Here are the best Halloween shirts I could find in the little time I spend each morning actually working:

Number 10: Zombie Dance!

You can dance if you want to, you can dance, dance, dance all night. Do the dance, if you can dance, dance with the zombies tonight.

Cool shirt, kind of harks back to Thriller- maybe that was intentional?

Number 9: Porn Star Costume

I like this shirt because it reminds me of breasts. Not huge breasts, but the nicely sized, perky round one that are fun to play with, relax on and take pictures of to upload to Internet.

Number 8: Three Wolf Moon Shirt

Hitting the #1 slot on Amazon.com apparel is nothing for nerd cred. Having Dwight wear it on an episode of the Office is huge. The shirt is a white trash image of three wolves howling at the moon. Take one part funny Amazon.com review plus one posting on CollegeHumor and you've got yourselves a killer shirt.

Number 7: I Don't Do Costumes But I Might Do You

This one is classy all the way. Make your feelings clear to the ladies, and let your looks do the rest.

Number 6: I'm A Slut (For Halloween)

Guess what? If you wear this shirt, it's not just on Halloween.

Number 5: My Boo

Our first shirt on the list.

Number 4: Your Candy Is Down Here

Just look with your face and you will find it. Down there. In my pants. Just take off the pants and jacket.

Number 3: Instant Mummy Costume

The cheap and easy to remove Halloween costume for the hurried.

Number 2: Scared Stiff

This ghost is having a good day.

Number 1: The Secret of Candy Corn

I always wondered how they made candy corn. Now I know!

Bonus! Watch for our upcoming Squidoo lens, where we will cover Halloween in greater depth.

Bonus bonus! I like True Blood -- mostly because there are classy tits -- but I really dislike Twilight. It was the worst movie ever. Decide for your self!